Why Nall Shouldn't Use A Public Bathroom
by Agent J
Summary: Nall's embarrassing family secret is discovered in Meribia. Note:I don't own any Lunar 2 Characters.*FINALE*
1. Default Chapter

Why Nall Should Never Use A Public Restroom  
  
By Universe Master Zee  
  
Chapter 1  
  
Nall is Quarks son so it's possible to believe that he inherits an embarrising trait.  
Plus both nall and ruby are human in this one except for a few choice moments.  
  
Nall was running like a madman through the streets of Meribia. He knew he let things get  
out of control. If only Ruby were here, but she had left a few hours earlier. "Crap crap  
crap. I'll never eat that much again. Why do they get so possesive of those things?" His rest   
was short as a villager caught him. "Hey look he's over there!"  
  
*Flashback to this morning.*  
  
Nall and Ruby decide to take some time off and go to Meribia for some fun. There was a fair  
going and that ment games, dancing, and one of nalls favorites eating. Ruby went off to dance  
with everybody, while nall went straight to the food carts. "Give me one of everything." was  
his battle cry. In the end he scarfed down over 1000 silver worth of food. He just had one little  
snag. "Here's your bill sir." the waitress chirped. One look at the bill and nall went spastic.  
"Aww crap how am I supposed to pay for all this? I mean the kids usually steal it. Why do all  
the tastey things cost so much." Suddenly he felt a very strong gurgling in his stomach.  
"Speaking of crap I gotta go now." Now nall was usually very good with his bathroom habits,   
except he ate so much it was killer. The bill would have to wait for now. Nall made a mad  
dash for the cities newest product. The port o' jon.  
  
Ruby had been entranced by the dancers. It was her favorite hobby ever since jean taught  
her. With her techniques she would be the star of the show. "Knowing that lunkhead he probably  
ate to much by now. He said he was gonna wach me dance." So ruby just waited with an intent to   
strangle nall later. As any female in her situation would do the same. (C'mon you know you would.)  
  
"Ahhhhh now that was a pleasent experience." Nall was refreshed and ready to go meet ruby.  
"I hope I didn't fall to much behind. The way she looked at me was as if she was going to strangle  
me. I wish those toilets would have a flusher or something." Since it was a port o' jon and   
most people finished lunch a user had just gone in to do his business. Before he started he  
accidentaly saw a small glimmer in the netherealm of the toilet. "Why what could that be?"  
Out of curiosity he rached in. I know I know that's sick, but some people will do anything   
for what he saw. Lo and behold in his disgusting hand he found the most desired treasure ever.  
The DRAGON DIAMOND.  
  
"Shoot I didn't expect to get so late. Ruby is going to kill me." After what he went  
through he vowed never to eat that much again. "Oh shoot I forgot to pay the bill. Why did I  
ever get out of bed this morning. It's like life just wants to scre me today." He then heard  
a cry of pure joy from the area where the toilets were. "LOOK EVERYONE I FOUND A HUGE DIAMOND  
IN THE TOILET!!!" After the initall cries of disgust and the begging for the guy to wash his   
hands, everyone stared in awe at the perfectly crafted diamond. "Wow it's so amazing."  
"Where'd it come from?" "Who'd dump a perfectly good diamond?" were the questions on everyones  
minds. Forget stressed, nall was totally blown away. "What do I do? If they figure out it came   
from me they'll trap my kiester in a cage with a filter for eternity." Since nall was immortal  
that's a long time for him. "I know, i'll just walk away now and forget the whole thing. I just  
won't go near any bathrooms that's all." Nall just brushed the whole thing of and went to see ruby   
before he got into any more trouble.  
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So how's this for a start. I mean even though he didn't mention it, i'm sure nall had problems  
with shooting out diamonds. As usual the input from you readers is always appreciated. So   
waste not a moment more and click and type, click and type. 


	2. The Unkown Foe...Bean Curd

Chapter 2  
  
The Unknown Foe...Bean Curd  
  
"Thank Althena I made it in time. I've got enough problems." He was under pressure, but   
he managed to make it to see ruby's performance. She was absolutely stunning with all her  
moves and steps. It was almost hypnotic to him. "Man this is pretty good." He thought, then  
it hit him. "I still gotta pay that meal bill. There's no way I can pay a thousand silver.  
Speaking of which I am getting kind of hungr-NO NO NO that's how I got into this problem in  
the first place. Still it's not like I can avoid eating the whole day." While nall was brooding  
over this, a merchant girl with a tray tapped nall on the back. "What what what? Oh excuse me."  
"Well sir would you like to try out our new meat entrees?" The merchant girl chirped. "I know  
I shouldn't, but I haven't had anything for like-15 minutes-I guess a little bit wouldn't  
hurt." He thought.   
  
Forgetting what happend earlier he snarfed down the whole plate. "Wow I  
didn't know you were a fan of bean curd." the girl said. "Yeah I had no idea-yayayaya, what  
do you mean bean curd? I thought this was meat?" Nall yelled. "Well yeah that's what we say to   
lure customers in." she said "In fact we guaruntee the customer will get used to the fact that  
they can enjoy a meat substitute." Nall couldn't believe this. Once again his appetite just  
screwed him over. Sooner or later the pile of bean curd in his stomach would want to get some   
air. Then his secret would be discovered.  
  
Meanwhile the guy in the previous chapter that had been sickly fortunate to recover  
nalls valuable load(Let's call him Joe.), could not be satisfied with just one. Like a potato   
chip that shall remain nameless. So in an effort to increase his odds of getting more and screw   
other people, a search party was made to find any new...leads you could say. Thus adding to nalls  
pressure later on.   
  
Ruby had just finished her routine and was going to meet nall. One problem, nall had left  
already. "Man you think you can trust a guy, then you remember that guy is nall." So ruby huffed  
off to try and find him...then hurt him. "Woah the crowds are certainly busy today, I wonder   
what's getting them all riled up." As ruby kept looking for nall she saw a new game had been set  
up. "Tug o' War. Beat our resident strongman and win silver." "Oh cool I gotta try this out"  
Ruby stepped up to the platform and grabbed the rope tight. Her opponent was the stereotypical  
musclehead. (You know, the kind that gets on your nerves after 5 seconds.) "Bring it on jerko  
cause I have a lot of rage to vent."  
  
Back at the town entrance Lemina Ausa thought she could take a break after days of  
study and renovation. "Poo, all these bills can be a mega-bummer. Plus I still have to beat  
Ramus in that stupid bet*. Maybe an idea will come to me." Also in his shop Ramus was raking  
in sales due to his fair promotions. "Hmm sales are good, but it's not enough. How am I  
supposed to win this bet if sales don't pick up. I think i'll go get a snack." Although they  
didn't see each other they heard the same story from some of the diamond searchers. "So far  
we haven't found anything. From what witnesses have told us, a boy with white hair may be  
responsible." Another one of the searchers stepped up. "But how could we have really found that  
out, I mean people go into the bathroom all the time." "Because this is supposed to move the plot  
along so shut up."   
  
Questions aside both Lemina and Ramus had a good idea who that white haired  
person was. "Heh heh with a few of those diamonds I could finally win the bet." Was the thought  
they both had. With that they went to hatch hilarious schemes that will fail later on to get  
nalls treasure.  
  
Nall needed to rest so he found a nice bench by the shoreline. "Oh man I wish this could   
just go away. Maybe I should just go back to the peak. I wish Alex was here, he always had the   
good plans. I can't go to ruby since she's mad enough already and i'd never live it down for at  
least a thousand years. *Gurgle* Oh man it's happening again." Like clockwork nalls stomach was   
processing the food. It would be a matter of minutes before the facilities would be needed.  
"Oh man forget this I need a bathroom NOW." There's one teensy problem though. Nall wandered to  
far from the main grounds and the only facility he could use is a pack of bushes. "There is no  
way in hell i'm going to use those bushes, but I need to gooooooo. NO I have to hold on till   
later." Meanwhile both Lemina and Ramus have their plans ready, even the sinister joe has   
something in mind.  
  
*The bet in question for those who haven't played is that Ramus bet that if Lemina could rebuild  
the magic guild before he made 1 million silver he would give her all his profits. If not then  
Lemina would become his wife. You can guess how lemina reacted to this.  
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Well sorry if the chapter was too short. Think of it as an interlude to the next event.   
Don't worry as I have a very good plan in motion. Quality shall not be sacrificed for quantity.  
To those that have reviewed THANK YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUU. It helps drive my inspiration. So long  
for now. 


	3. An Overdose of the Good Stuff

Chapter 3  
  
An Overdose of the Good Stuff  
  
Nall decided it would probably be for the best if he headed back to the peak. Now all he  
had to do was find ruby and get back to a private toilet. Last he saw she was near the town   
square. "ALRIGHT WHO ELSE WANTS A PIECE OF ME!" Sure enough there was ruby and a pile of men   
with sore arms. "C'MON I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE TOUGH." To nall this was no  
surprise since ruby like excerting her masculine side often. "I think i'll come back later."  
Nall thought. He heard some more rumbling in his stomach. It was getting to be a bad case.  
No sooner did he get near the gate when he bumped into ramus. "Well hello there nall. How's  
every little thing?" "I'm...doing fine ramus." Nall replied "If you don't mind i'm kinda in a   
hurry right now, my stomach isn't doing so fine." Ramus suddenly got a cheerful grin on his face.  
"Well if you have stomach problems take this." Ramus brought up a small vial of blue liquid.  
"This fluid will help calm your stomach till later." Since nall was desperate to feel better he  
reluctantly took the fluid and gulped it down. "Wow I do feel a bit better, thanks ramus." with  
that nall went back into the fair. "Soon nall very soon, you'll make me a very rich man." Ramus  
chuckled.  
  
It had taken her many hours and a lot of money, but Lemina finally had her plan all set.  
Now all she had to do was be loud enough. "No problem. STEP RIGHT UP EVERYONE AND SEE IF YOU   
HAVE THE STOMACH TO WIN LEMINA AUSAS PIE EATING CONTEST! Tee-Hee.^_^" With leminas voice almost  
everyone except the old or the deaf could hear her and nall was no exception. "Hmm I know I  
shouldn't, but who can resist pie. NOT ME THAT'S WHO." So nall and a few others stpped up to the  
table while lemina readied the pies. "Alright everyone, these pies are magic so they refill   
themselves after being COMPLETELY eaten. So nobody cheat or else i'll cream your mega-lousy  
butts you got it. Alright then, everyone get ready, set...PIG OUT!" The contestants went all out  
eating the pie as if zophar was going to destroy everything tonight. It was nall who was shining   
the most. Even with his problem he was still a dragon at heart and snarfed those pies into his  
dark pit. After 10 minutes nall was the winner with 100 pies. "Well sir it looks like your our  
winner. Here's your prize." She held out a small pie. "May this pie bring you great joy and  
happiness tee-hee." "Well thanks lemina, but I think i'll hold on to this for awhile." So  
nall stashed it away in his sack. Lemina got a frown that could kill fiends on her face.  
"Oh c'mon nall this is a super-special pie." Nall suddenly sensed danger from her and suddenly  
backed away slowly.   
  
All lemina did was scowl. "Oh mega-pooh he's supposed to eat it. Knowing nall he'll get   
hungry sooner or later. Your ass is mine nall then i'll be richer than ramus." "You'll be richer   
than who?" Lemina jumped back and gave a glare at ramus. "Alright you meanie what's your deal?"  
"Well it just so happens that I secretly gave nall a laxitive to extract a dragon diamond." He  
replied. Lemina stood ther a little shocked. "Oh really, I guess that's one way to do it. Yet  
I with my superior mind created the ultimate method." Ramus gave her a skepticle look. "What  
could be so much better than my method." Lemina got into her famous pose with a sly look. "Glad  
you asked pudgey. Those pies he ate were one part of a spell that loosens muscles for athletes.  
I gave him a pie that contains the second half of the spell. When the two parts come together  
the spell will activate in his intestines and kablooie. Instant dragon diamond. I'm so crafty  
it's scary." Ramus just laughed like a 10 year old. "One problem what if he doesn't eat the pie?"  
  
  
Lemina grazed on this for a moment. "Well knowing nall he'll eat it sooner or later. Then I just  
collect." "Oh yeah lemina I didn't know you were the type to go through dragon feces....Oh dear."  
Ramus quivered. "What could possibly worry you chunky?" Lemina asked. Ramus just stood there  
putting all the facts together. "This is bad, nall now has a laxitive and a powerful spell to  
already add to his grinding intestines. The output is probably going to be a lot if he eats the  
pie today." They both looked at each other and burst into laughter. "Oh man if wasn't so greedy  
i'd feel sorry for him." Lemina chuckled. "So when does the laxitave go off?" "In about ten  
minutes." Ramus answered. They stared at each other and ran off in different directions.  
  
"Alright that's it, i'm done, finnito, out of here." Nall fumed. This day was just not going  
to get any better so it was time to cash in his chips and leave, bill or no bill. "Now I just   
gotta get ruby." Knowing she'd probably be in macho mode still, he went bag to the tug o' war.  
Yep there she was still beating the snot out of the other guys. "I'm NOT leaving until somebody  
makes me sweat." she boasted. "Awww crap now i'll never get back unless..." Nall stepped up and  
did the biggest thing he would regret for a long time. "Fine ruby...*sigh*...i'll face you."  
Ruby developed a grin of pure pleasure and anger. "Ahhh nall, I was hoping you'd come. It's   
payback for earlier."  
  
Nall went up to the stand and grasped the rope firmly in his hand. "You're goin' down ruby,  
then we go home immediately." Ruby took her end of the rope and grinned at nall vicously. "Hmph  
fine, but if I win you have to bow to my commands and call me O' Great Mistress for a month."  
The thought of that made nall sick. Or was it something else, he couldn't tell. Both Ramus and  
Lemina were franticly searching for their ticket to wealth and a possible wife or guild. The  
tension was high (For nall even moreso). The bell rang and the two dragons pulled with all their   
strength. Ruby gained the upper hand since she has been practicing, but nall had the heart and  
the reason to win. "C'mon ruby, I thought you we're tougher than that." Nall taunted. He must  
have been dizzy because insulting ruby just makes her try harder. Soon she was pulling with an  
almost unbeatable force. "Oh man she's ticked now. I need a little more omph and a little luck."  
Then he remembered the pie Lemina gave him. "She said it would bring good joy so here it goes."  
He took the pie and gulped it down.  
  
Both Lemina and Ramus had tracked nall to the game grounds. Both had arrived to see  
nall gulp down the pie. "Well I hope you got a shovel lemina cause we're gonna be deep in it."  
Ramus commented. Lemina didn't care. All she could see we're big money signs. "I'd give Ronfar  
a foot massage if it meant getting that diamond." Ramus checked the sun to see the time. "Well  
the laxitive should go off in about 15 seconds." "And the magic must be working by now." Lemina  
chirped.  
  
10...  
  
Nall was losing his grip.  
  
9...  
  
Ruby was ready to put nall in the dirt.  
  
8...  
  
Lemina still had money marks in her eyes.  
  
7...  
  
Ramus was getting the shovels ready.  
  
8...  
  
Our man Joe is closing in.  
  
6...  
  
I'm going crazy with all this counting.  
  
5...  
  
Are you getting angry yet.  
  
4...  
  
Stomachs getting mushy now. I want a pony. Not really i'm just stumped for jokes. In fact screw 3, 2 and 1. FAST FORWARD.  
  
3....2....1....GOODBYE.  
  
"Oh oh I don't feel so good." nall groaned. His insides were exploding. He needed to get to a   
toilet now. "Uhhh nall what's wrong with you?" Ruby asked. Nall, using all the strength and   
pressure pulled ruby of the pedestal and mad a dash for the bathrooms, with ruby still on the  
rope. "Hey HEY you jerk let me go?" Nall crashed into the port-a-john he knew so well and   
slammed the door. Ruby composed herself outside where nall was and dusted off. "Hmph well I   
hope he does a full job cause he'll be beat crapless when he gets back." Ruby huffed out of  
the front gate and back to Tabens Peak.  
  
Anyone that had something to gain from nalls release waited outside. They waited a long time  
in fact. A few hours later a sound came from the toilet. A very tired nall emerged with a huge  
grin on his face. "Ohhhh man that was just beutiful. I'm almost sad to see it go. Uhh excuse  
me is something wrong?" Everybody stood at attention with a hungry look in their eyes. Someone  
even yelled out "TO THE TOILET!" The group quickly went inside the toilet. They looked inside  
except...no diamonds. "Hey what's goin' on here?" Joe asked. "They should've been here unless.."  
He caught nall sneaking away from the area. "HE'S GOT THE DIAMONDS! GET HIM!" Nall burst to quick  
run with almost every person in the city after him. He saw the waitress who gave him the bill  
before. He tossed her a small jewel to her hand. "Keep the change!" then ran out of sight.  
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Here it is, the big finish coming very soon. With a few more plot twists and surprises left  
in the story. I promise you won't be dissapointed. What did nall do with his drop off. All  
this and more on the next chapter. 


	4. You Dirty Trickster

Chapter 4   
  
You Dirty Trickster  
  
  
  
So here we are. Like all flashback story fashions, we have returned to the point where nall is   
being chased by a bloodthirsty mob. So in a sense this the start of the story. Oh man i'm  
confusing myself again. Ahh let's just get to the damn finale already....I need a hug.  
  
Nall was running like a madman through the streets of Meribia. He knew he let things get  
out of control. If only Ruby were here, but she had left a few hours earlier. "Crap crap  
crap. I'll never eat that much again. Why do they get so possesive of those things?" His rest   
was short as a villager caught him. "Hey look he's over there!" (Deja Vu everyone) Spotted,  
he turned a corner and ended up on an allyway. "Jeez it's a dead end soon. I gotta   
think of something quick." He was so busy with the crowd he didn't notice lemina sneaking up  
on him up ahead.  
  
"Hey nall, buddy, pal, compadre, how's it goin." Lemina chirped. Nall having seen lemina with that  
look in her eye before stepped away. "Get back lemina, you're creepin' me out here with that look  
you got. Lemina? LEMINA?" "I'm sorry nall, but I got a lot riding on this...ICE STORM!" Her ice  
spell held nall by his feet. He tried struggling, but despite the fact that he's a white dragon  
whose cave was made of ice, he couldn't get out. "This is what I get for eating too much."  
"So nall let's make this easy and tell me what you did with the diamonds okay?" Lemina said.  
Nall knew he couldn't reason with her as her greed was the dominating force in her mind.   
"I guess there's only one thing to do." Nall sighed. He then got an idea, he took a small bottle  
in his pocket and crushed the glass into pieces. He took a bigger piece of glass and hoped  
Lemina was in a more gullible mood. "Hey lemina lookie what I got." He said waving the glass  
around. Leminas eyes were glued onto the glass thinking it was a diamond. She didn't say  
anything since she was mostly drooling. "C'mon nalllll be a pal and let me have it." she cried.  
Nall was now in control and like anybody in this situation he gave it a good long toss into  
the water. "Nooo my fortune." Lemina yelped. She dove in right after it and swam out searching.  
  
Ruby was back at tabens peak playing with some of the kids. She thought it would help her feel  
better after that whole fair incident. One of the kids came rushing into the room with a notice  
of all the recent events going on in the general area. She looked over the notes and what she  
saw caused her to do a double take x3, go numb, then go unconsious.  
  
Back at in Meribia nall was just mere feet away from the front gate. He had enough of this fair  
and it's obsessive people. "This is the last time I let ruby talk me into these things." He  
was soon blocked off by the ever insidious Joe. "Well well i've finally caught you my diamond  
machine. You'll make me a VERY rich man." he said. Nall just looked at him weirdly. "What can  
you do to me? I've got more skill in my nose than you." Nall boasted. Joe just laughed in an   
evil way. "Hah you underestimate me. I'm much much more than I seem." With that Joe grabbed his  
face and ripped it off to reveal.....GEORGE LUCAS?!?!?!?!? "Yes it's me George Lucas. After  
spending my own money to make my new movies I found myself running low on funds. I sneaked into   
this world using my powers of the force to find my new fortune and you're it." Nall was totally  
dumbfounded. Sure he could do the right thing and chop him up. But he didn't have his sword  
anymore since he gave it to Hiro. "I knew i'd regret ever doing that." He thought. He tried  
to make a dash for the gate, but was cut short by Lucas's lightsaber. "Don't even think of   
escaping. Now hand over the diamonds." Nall was in a bind he couldn't get out of. It looked  
like he was doomed to become a portable gem shooter until a loud voice rang in the air.  
  
"NEVER GIVE UP. NEVER ADMIT DEFEAT IN THE FACE OF EVIL!" Both nall and george looked to see a  
tall figure standing on the gate. "Yes it is I Mystere and i'm here to stop your neferious  
deeds you vile demon." he shouted. *BLAM CRASH* Mystere was followed by a young female clad  
in a red costume. "HA WITH MISS MYSTERE BY YOUR SIDE NO ONE CAN STOP US." Miss Mystere yelled,  
and down by the entrance you could see ronfar hiding by the corner. "They said they would  
quit this habit. I actually believed them. I tell ya, I love Mauri but this whole superknight  
thing doesn't do a bit for my reputation." he sulked. Mystere looked annoyed at his sister and  
whispered. "I told you mauri i'm handling this one. I thought you were doing something with  
Ronfar. This is my pastime so butt out" "Oh we do that all the time. I needed a different kind   
of action. I'm here now so stop being such a baby just cause i'm wrecking your 'playtime'" This  
went on for a few minutes with many sibling insults till they focused back on lucas.  
  
"You'll never stop me super fools, i'll take you both on." Lucas pressed a button to reveal he  
had a double bladed light saber. Both Mystere and his sidekick readied their swords. Now  
we cue the dramatic music and then they lept at lucas. Nall decided to take a break so he sat in   
the shade with ronfar. The two superknights attacked with great force, but lucas countered them  
hit for hit. "Urgh my superior sword play isn't working on him." Mystere said. Nall decided he  
should have an active role again came in saying "You two can use magic right?" The two nodded.  
"Well....USE THE MAGIC YOU CRAZIES!" Nall yelled. The two focused their magical abilities and  
launched their best earth and fire spells. Lucas couldn't withstand the pounding blows and got  
hurled into a giant flaming pit. "You haven't seen the last of me super foooooools." Lucas   
yelled as he fell into the pit.  
  
"Ha ha. Our superior abilities have won the day again. Now we must be off." Mystere yelled as   
he and Miss Mystere walked off into the sunset. Off by the gate corner Leo and Mauri could be  
seen coming in. "Oh hey you guys, how's it going. Did anything interesting happen?" Mauri asked.  
Both Nall and Ronfar sighed and decided to write the whole thing off as a bad day. Ronfar went  
back with the terrible actors and nall trudged back to tabens peak, but not before totally   
burying the dragon diamonds he deposited. "That reminds me I gotta take a bath or something   
later." He finally made it to the outer balcony where he could finally relax. That is until  
he saw ruby in a twinging heap on the floor. "Hmm, wonder what's got her all spazzed out."  
Nall saw a piece of paper on the floor. He picked it up and looked over it. "I guess this is the  
daily report. Hmm new town hall in Raculi, new trade agreements in Nota, Fish restriction in  
northern ports.....WHAT THE???" Nall did a double take x3 then fell to the floor in a heap.  
The unthinkable had happend. Northern Lunar ran out of fish.  
  
THE END......Or is it?  
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There you have it. The finale to the first part in the weird adventures of Nall and Ruby. Here's  
a few titles of my next lunar titles.  
  
Why Ruby Shouldn't Run Out of Fish  
  
The Adventures of the Superknights  
  
I hope you enjoyed my current work and hope you will enjoy my future projects. 


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